Get On My Level

Not really sure if there's one particular thing that triggered this train of thought, but I just wanted to talk about women and their standards. By standards I don't just mean the standards they put on men, but, consequently, the standards they put on themselves.

I can speak for myself when I say I went through a period where I took anything and anybody that came along my way. I uninstalled my "filter" and just let anyone into my life. I claimed I just wanted to have fun. When I look back on that period in my life I suppose you could say I accomplished that goal. I had a lot of fun meeting new people and doing new things, but everything comes with a price. With that "fun" came vulnerability and a false sense of heightened self-confidence. I truly believe that every single person that comes into your life leaves a mark, positive or negative, and for a while I lost sight of that.

This is getting long. Okay basically ladies, do not lose sight of how you want to portray yourself, what type of person you want to be, and the type of people you need in your life to achieve that. You may think you have to lower your standards to get guys to pay attention to you because you think they won't give "uptight" girls the time of day. That's a myth like the lochness monster. It's those men that take the time to discover your standards and meet them that are worth your time. I'm not saying you should play games but if you make yourself too easy, too available then these men will treat you too basic. Every single woman is worth more.

Think of a dream or goal you have for yourself. Now quadruple that. That should be your goal. That should be your benchmark. That should be your standard. You can reach it with the right person in your life. You are worth it.

I Haven't Been Given a Spirit of Fear

I should be working right now, I know, but this has been on my mind of late. I've noticed in little (thankfully) instances how easy it is for us to push each other's buttons. We know so much (and yet so little) about each other that we know exactly how to strike the right nerve. Or is it the wrong nerve? Either way, it scares me. Right now we can keep our tempers just fine, but sometimes, in little moments, we'll slip. My fear? The day we get too comfortable with each other. When that little moment of a lapse of self-control, turns into an argument, turns into a fight, turns into a huge issue. This could just be me making a mountain out of a mole hill (it's happened before), but I can't help that it makes me a bit weary. The feeling, like a small tug at my heart, that I get in those moments scares me, because I don't want that tug to become repetitive. I don't want those tugs to cause a tear. I don't want that tear to be irreversible....

At least the feeling scares me. I'd be scared if it didn't.

Broken Record

I'm absolutely positive that at some point you guys would like to hear me talk about something other than love, but I genuinely can't help it. And truthfully, that scares me. It scares me to think that maybe one day I won't feel like this anymore. I won't gush when he goes out of his way to make me smile. I won't feel safe and warm when he holds me tight. I won't blush when he kisses my forehead.

What I have to remember is that right now he does make me feel this way, and right now is all that matters. I don't care about what happened yesterday. I'm not thinking about what tomorrow will bring. All I know is that right here, right now, I am madly, deeply, and truly in love.

P.S. From Scarlet's Lover

2 floors down, 4 to go.  The excitement and thrills of an early morning workout can only make the start of that day better, and better, and better.  Have you ever been trapped?  I have, but not the scared, bewildered, lost feeling of being covered in snow out in the alps of west bubble, but the entrapment of a warm, beautiful, sacred (heart) society, that's only been found but so few times.  May I have more to come?  I hope! I pray! I wait!  That sensation, that I can feel in the palms of my hands, and the "assets" of "life", can only be imagined in so few ways, thoughts, words...maybe in a Scarlet Address? Just maybe.

Should This Have A Title...

I don't like when he grabs my love handles. When he stares at the hair on my toes. When he shoots a video of my face and seems to only get a close up of my sideburns and breakouts. When his hands happen to graze over my stretch marks. When he decides to cuddle when I smell bad.

He likes holding me close and keeping me warm. He likes to play with every little part of me. He focuses his video on my face, not my body. He says he likes the way my hips sway. He just wants to protect me, no matter what.

That Funny Little Thing

I'm not sure how it starts really, being in love. I suppose it's possible that I've never been in love. That this whole time what I've been feeling has been lust. The thing is, I'm pretty sure lust doesn't feel this strong. I'm pretty sure lust doesn't make you cry. Lust doesn't make your chest fill up with warmth and joy. I don't think I've ever gone out of my way to make someone happy just because I wanted them. However, I have done so because I wanted them to want me. The same way I yearned for their attention, for their acknowledgement, for their  adoration, I wanted them to yearn for that from me. I don't think lust does that. And if that's the case, then I can say I've been in love three times in  my life.