The Prelude to the Memoirs

I'm so anxious. And not the sexual, Ginuwine anxious. The anxious feeling I get when I know my past is catching up with me. When my reputation precedes me. It's uncomfortable and scary knowing that yet another person is about to discover my biggest regrets. I can't take them back, I understand that. But I just wish that the moments could be buried with the memories. As easily as I push them to the recesses of my mind I wish that I could do the same in the minds of those around me. I don't like watching people's eyes change and look at me differently. I don't like hearing people's voices change and talk to me differently. I don't like knowing people's perception of me has changed negatively, permanently. I can't take back my actions any more than I can take back people's reactions to them. That hurts.