Introduction. Jordan is in a relationship, a flourishing one. They never spoke intimately before they became a couple. They skipped the stage of truly getting to know one another and the past that each of them holds. Five months into their relationship, revelations are being made by both of them. Although they are honest with one another, they begin to wonder if things would have been different if they known this information before they decided to be together. This is the information.
Jordan had many suitors,
especially after her hair became straight, luminous.
Before, men came,
but not nearly as numerous.
Flattered, of course.
Broken, presumably.
Raptured by every suitor that crossed her path
and blinded from the truth.
Not every suitor had good intentions.
Not every suitor had intentions.
Some were interested.
Some were bored.
Jordan, however, did not care either way,
at least not at first.
At first she reveled at the attention,
brand new and exotic.
An unfamiliar feeling to her
except from one other man.
That man;
she broke his heart many, many years ago
and did not realize this
until many, many years later.
Though they both loved each other
he treated her poorly as revenge.
She accepted this
because she loved him, blindly.
Her eyes were opened in her last year.
When the suitors came,
some with good intentions,
she realized women were treated differently.
[She strayed.]
She pulled away from her first love.
She tried to replace him.
She tried to make herself happy.
She tried to forget what made her unhappy.
Her parents made her unhappy.
They did not last,
at least not after sixteen years.
They did not last.
Her first relationship,
her first love,
did not last
because she ended it.
Scared and alone.
Unsure of when time would run out,
when his love would expire on a whim,
she ended it.
In her last year
there were others,
some with good intentions.
Some with intentions.
Only being in one other relationship
she knew no difference.
She saw smiles. Felt hugs.
Welcomed embraces as if they all had the same connotation.
She put away childish things
but forgot to keep others.
Forgot her dignity.
Forgot her self-respect.
Forgot her standards.
Forgot her morals.
All the while,
judging others “worse” than her.
More promiscuous.
More salacious.
[She began acts that she said she would never begin in order to impress a boy and keep his interest. The acts were never extreme by the world’s standards, which is why she used the world’s standards as a benchmark. The acts were, however, extreme by her mother’s standards, her own standards at one point in time.]
She kept the suitors’ attention for as long as she wanted
and discarded the remains.
Remains of the suitors,
remains of herself.
Her goal was fun
and freedom.
She reached her goal
but not without paying a heavy price.
A week. One week during the summer.
It is the ultimate adventure,
at least then.
Now, it remains the ultimate regret.
A week. One week during the summer.
When the ultimate sacrifice was made.
When nothing was given in return
but snide whispers and slivered glances.
The culmination of her last year
played out in this one week.
Acts that had remained hidden and small
were now revealed and larger than life.
Friends. Hurtful, but were not to blame.
Actions. Stupid, and completely to blame
for the whispers and glances
and rumors and passes.
Humiliated and ashamed,
yet extremely prideful,
she put on a smile
and gave the audience a simple shrug.
Of course she meant for this to happen.
Just as planned in fact.
To be happy,
to forget what made her unhappy.
To create a new unhappiness
that proved to last for much longer
than she could have ever anticipated.
She found a distraction.
A man.
Good intentions.
Possibly.
She was not around long enough to uncover his intentions.
He was good and served a purpose:
to ease the pain and shame.
To distract from the week
of the summer that never seemed to come to an end.
He was good.
The man now is better.
The man now was ill-timed.
He stole her. She let him.
Regretful, but not of the choice she made.
Regretful of those she hurt to get here,
the good place she is in now.
The calm that she thought was not for her.
The calm, her relationship,
has lasted for five months yesterday.
The calm whose wind picks up,
little by little, everyday.
The winds come from a storm she brewed
right off the coast,
searching for those with good intentions,
as a distraction,
in that week,
of this summer.
